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Confirmation…and now waiting again!
It is REALLY difficult to outline a PhD sized project in 10,000 words. It is even harder to discuss it in 20 minutes, which is what I attempted to do today in my confirmation presentation. Everyone commented that my project was valuable, well chosen and worthy of researching. That was very positive. They also said I spoke very well which is no surprise to me, I am naturally a public speaker but I know that is rare. I felt very relieved after I had done the presentation but that feeling was quickly overridden by nerves as I knew I had to answer questions.
Wendy, bless her, asked about my motivations for choosing the project and I was able to talk a bit about my background, undergraduate study and so on…
Then the panel members started asking questions. Some were really great and more things to consider rather than probing questions. Some were not! Now I know that every single PhD goes through this, but somehow that wasn’t much comfort! A lot of it was around things lacking in either the ethics discussion or the method. I think this annoyed me the most because I had spent so much time working on the literature review and not enough on other sections of the confirmation report. I was asking again and to talk more about the method and other parts of the confirmation with my supervisors and I just kept getting redirected to the literature. It was frustrating at the time. It was more frustrating today because I KNEW my project had holes in it and I WANTED to plug those holes weeks ago but could not.
Then there were some other things that I should have known but they didn’t occur to me because of how rushed and last minute some parts were – again I link this back to my time management (early on especially) but also to my supervisors directions. For example, in the ethical considerations part I did not talk about my own background and worldview and how that might influence the project. I should have known better than to leave that out. Dumb. Really dumb.
So then after the questions I waited almost 2 hours for Anna to contact me. As I thought, they are going to want revisions and I think that will be of the major variety. I guess that is good news because I will have 12 weeks to do them. I am certain it is going to be the most painful, soul destroying process if I take it to heart for even one moment. The sticking point for me was that after all the research I had done on online interviews verses email interviews they wanted me to do focus groups!! It was clear to me that I had not communicated my project very clearly if they believed that focus groups is the best choice. Either that or they know absolutely nothing about email interviews at all.
However (Knight in shining armor enters stage left) I spoke to Trixie James this afternoon and she literally gave me the attitude I know I need to adopt. Prior to that I was ready to take a 2 year break from study and go do a project proving that email interviews would be better. Sigh. Trixie highlighted that this whole thing, this ENTIRE PhD is just a stepping stone to get me to where I want to be. I need to tick their boxes, cross their T’s and dot their I’s. If this project turns out nothing like I imagined that doesn’t really matter as long as I am learning along the way and of course as long as I get the piece of paper at the end.
So far I have learnt a lot about pedagogy, emotional labor and I’ve also armed myself with knowledge that will make me a better PhD supervisor in the future. So long as I am learning, that is all that matters. I just don’t want to “make a name for myself” with this project. I mean if they are going to ask me to change my methodology then it’s not my project anymore, it’s theirs. I REALLY want to distance myself from it as much as possible. It will have my name on it, but I no longer think this will be my project. That is how I feel at the moment. I will no doubt feel differently tomorrow or the next day.
So here I am, adopting Trixie’s attitude – let’s just get this done… so what’s next? What do I do now?
Now? Now I wait a week for their full report. Sigh.
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Another review back!
I have not got a lot to share today. In fact I’d say the last week or so has just been a blur of preparing for my confirmation presentation, keeping up with emails and student enquiries and marking assessments.
However! The team I’m on with Tim Fish and others from Monash and Deakin University did get our paper back after being under review for months. Naturally they want major revisions and one reviewer is more negative than the other – but I am gauging that by the emails I have seen only as I have not yet read their reviews.
That is all!
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and… marking hits
Microsoft Office Stock Image I have ALMOST finished the slides for my confirmation of candidature presentation but I haven’t yet done a proper run through, have really only THOUGHT about what I’m going to say for each slide. I have some time tomorrow so I’m feeling A-OK about that. At the moment I’m most worried about marking.
I have 33 learning portfolios to mark in 2 weeks. So that is at least 2.3 per day… let’s say 3 and then I’ll get some time off on the weekends. I’m also behind on my Academic Learning Centre (ALC) hours, so that means I’ll have to make that up by providing feedback for assignments which have been submitted online to the ALC.
I guess it never rains it pours! I knew that as soon as I handed in the report for confirmation it would be straight onto the next thing, then the next and so on. But I am still surprised at how short the relief period was. Part of this is the things going on outside of work and study as well, mostly relating to my hobbies at the moment.
So yes, fair to say that marking, this time around, has hit me pretty hard… I only hope that it is lollies raining down as a result! I also don’t think the marking is smiling like the girl in the picture above, but it seemed the most relevant one I could find.
As always I have tried to plan my time, using my Outlook calendar. But there just isn’t that many spaces on it! Not enough hours in the day. Once again, I’m going to be working on the weekend and during my evenings.
Today I have 2 hours of meetings for the social innovation team I’m part of. One is a general meeting and the other is a shut-up and write session for the discussion piece we are working on. I really value the shut-up and write sessions and attend a few regularly. I find it’s just a great way to carve out time for specific projects and thus helps me get things done. I will attend today for those reasons, but really I’d like to be marking assignments instead!
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Back on the road again
Microsoft Office Stock Image I am indeed back on the road again, back to normal, feeling great! At the same time, I feel like the picture above best represents that road! It’s not a peaceful journey through calm countryside, it is a blur! I wouldn’t have it any other way.
It’s almost 10am on a Saturday and so far I’ve been very productive today, just doing a bit of everything! I do hope to get stuck into some PhD things later, probably looking at the findings from the first scoping literature review. There is a bit to wade through there indeed!
I’ve also started a document recording all the things I’m a part of for future promotions or fellowship applications and so on. Between the FedUni research focus group, professional memberships and the CQU things I’m a part of it is actually looking like a decent list! Some of these things require more of my time than others and at different times some benefit me more than others but they are all very much worth it.
I have done a little bit today for the book chapter which is due in September and before lunch I will look at my findings relating to Women in STEM. From what I have glanced at so far most of the sources I found showed women had lower self-efficacy than men and there was a large variety of programs that were evaluated and found to improve self-efficacy. It seems to be fairly consistent literature which I guess is a positive thing. STEM is not really my area but the stark disadvantage certainly is!
Yes today, for the first time in a while, just feels like a normal day!
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Short lived relief!
Microsoft Office Stock Image So yesterday at 4:46 pm I officially emailed the final, finished copy of my 10,000 word confirmation report to my supervisors and research services. I most certainly felt relief, even though I was not 100% happy with my method and data analysis section. But all evening I was relaxed and happy, not a care in the world. Much like this cat seemingly joyfully sleeping! Yep, that was me!
By this morning I had pretty much gone back into work mode. What’s next? What is most urgent? What does my to-do list look like?
Well number 1, I have not been doing 10 hours per week of work for the Academic Learning Centre (ALC) which means I need to do quote a few online assignments (read and provide feedback for students) to catch up my hours there. It’s somewhat tedious work but I know the students benefit from it, so I don’t mind too much. The other aspect is that for each assignment I am allocated 1 hour, but I finish most of them within 40-45 minutes.
The second priority is the book chapter that Ondine and I are working on. It is a scoping literature review and we are still ploughing through the search results in an excel spreadsheet, essentially mining the data from them. I was doing a good job of chipping away at that for a while. I got through around 70 search results over a period of about 10 weeks. Then confirmation became the priority and I haven’t done any for a while. Mind you, neither has my co-author! So I guess we’re even! None of it really mattered because the editors were still preparing the book proposal to go to Springer.
Well I received an email this morning, Springer are keen to publish the book based on the proposal, fantastic news! But now we have a timeline! It is not feeling easily achievable, but I know that rushed, last minute chapters have got through in the past, and will do into the future! Heck, my confirmation report was totally rushed, much to my disgust. So I’m meeting with Ondine today to essentially say, we NEED to put the accelerator on NOW! Chapters must be submitted for peer review September 18th.
Now just in case I haven’t talked about this book chapter before I’ll give you a bit of a rundown on how it came to be. It started with the scoping literature review searches I have done as part of my PhD. I was using terms like “minority groups” and “self-efficacy” but for my PhD I was only looking for articles that talk about the students self-efficacy, however I got quite a few results that were talking about the teacher’s self-efficacy. So I kept them to one side as a point of interest. Then when this particular call for chapters came out I realised I had around 60 articles based on teacher self-efficacy relating to teaching diverse student groups that could be the beginning of a literature review.
So I pitched it to Ondine who was happy to join with me and we put in an abstract! Sounds simple doesn’t it? Well we have since done an additional search and got around 110 search results to go through. And we can see some common themes already. Most articles propose that teacher education should include work experience with diverse student groups, usually including special education (in Australia we have some schools especially for students with disabilities). They also commonly refer to ongoing PD for teachers and mentors or support within schools for teachers.
So that covers number 1 and 2 on my list now, of course I also have the revisions for the digital literacy paper, surveys to send out for the TAFE project, ethics application for my PhD, planning the actual presentation for confirmation of candidature and marking will start at the end of next week. No rest for the wicked they say!
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2 days to go!
Today seems to be such a mixed day! Trixie James and I received notification that our article has been published which was fantastic. It is those “winning” moments that keep me going. I have emailed the pdf to as many people as I could think of… and received some wonderfully encouraging replies too. Plus there was no less than 3 shameless self-citations in the article. Unfortunately, 2 of them were “in press” and in one case the name of the edited book has changed! Not sure if it’s worth sending something to the journal to see if they can update that! Still I figure if someone does a search, 5 years from now, hopefully they will search for the title of the chapter and find it. Speaking of shameless self-promotion:
Larsen, A., & James, T. (2022). A sense of belonging in Australian higher education: the significance of self-efficacy and the student-educator relationship. Journal of University Teaching & Learning Practice, 19(4). https://ro.uow.edu.au/jutlp/vol19/iss4/05
The TAFE project has had ethics approved as well. It only took them a couple of days which was amazing! Having said that, ethics had already been granted by Federation University so they just had to give the all clear for us to recruit participants through this university. So now I have to work out how to get my hands on the list of students/email addresses that I need. We also need to set up meetings again because I can no longer see them in my calendar… lots to do on the TAFE project indeed! I think I will wait until after my confirmation report has been submitted on Wednesday.
My principle supervisor has not replied to my emails or done any reviews of my writing for over a week now. That has caused me a bit of stress, maybe a lot of stress. I feel stressed but my body hasn’t shown too many signs yet. Usually I get pimples, muscle aches or SOMETHING when I’m really stressed. Still I imagine she has a reasonable amount of confidence in me so that is a compliment. Plus she’s probably got bigger fish to fry!
My report is currently only 250 words over the limit, feeling very positive about that aspect. I’m still not sure my method section is clear enough or includes everything that it should. I think I am spending too much time trying to justify my choices of method rather than just saying “this is what I am doing”. When it all comes down to it I’m just worried because I have only got 2 days to go and I have a LOT of work commitments in that time as well.
So, I’ve got to stop outpouring and begin working!
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Getting close now!
Sourced from: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/36kbtw My confirmation report is due next Wednesday and that is a bit surreal. At the same time I know that I should not overthink it. They just need to know that I wasn’t born yesterday, that I HAVE in fact done some reading, I do in fact know some stuff and that my project is possible.
It’s currently about 1750 words over the limit and I need to add a few bits and pieces, mostly in the method section I think. I am desperate for some guidance from my supervisors but not sure how likely that is. I have managed to have a brief chat with Stuart on Microsoft Teams. That was good because he gave me a couple of specific things that I can work on over the weekend.
I have managed to do a few bits and pieces relating to other projects. I wrote a solid two paragraphs for the social innovation discussion piece and I submitted the ethics application for the TAFE project. I needed a break from working on my confirmation report and doing those small tasks really made me feel like I had accomplished something. So maybe I AM using my time wisely?
I went to a NAEEA meeting today for the Wellbeing SIG and I was surprised to find that Susan Hopkins was presenting about the autoethnography that I was a part of! There was my name on the very first slide! A nice surprise indeed and very glad I went.
So maybe there is a lesson here about preparing for confirmation. I would still advise PhD students to take control of their timelines and put their foot down in some cases. But also just relax a little, plod along and switch to other productive tasks when needing a break.
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Deadline approaching!
Microsoft Office Stock Image My confirmation of candidature report is currently 2800 words over the limit. It’s going to go up before it comes back down again!
I will be able to cut a reasonable amount from the method section but I also have to add more in around how I’m going to analyse my data. It might end up balancing out in the end. I think I am in a bad habit of talking about qualitative data in a very brief way. To save words I often do not say any more than “the data was then thematically analysed using… blah blah!!!” So a little more detail is going to be needed this time around!
The other things that need to be done are really “bits and pieces”. For example I am going to need some help with the budget which needs to be included. I am doing email interviews so no transcription is required. That will save some money indeed! But then maybe I can spend most of the budget on conferences which would be great. If I don’t have to pay for the conference, just the accommodation I could potentially go to both the yearly conferences I would really like to go to. One is the AARE (Education research) and the other is the NAEEA (Enabling). This year they are both in Adelaide. I’m not actually sure where they might be next year… and I wouldn’t be presenting any PhD related things until then. Still, I don’t really care where they are… would just like to go!
The confirmation report is now at that tough point for me. There is no more discoveries, no learning from here on in. It’s just editing and proofreading. It’s laborious, tedious and some other “ious”s probably too. It’s the hard work part, probably the only part I find hard work about writing. Happy to admit that. I dislike this part a lot. It takes more self-motivation that I would like. Lucky for me I’ve been blessed with a pretty good work ethic and I can mostly just jump in and get it done. If I ever do procrastinate THIS is around the time that I do!
Speaking of which – I should have done a couple of hours on it today and instead I just reformatted the timeline and then looked at potentially submitting an abstract for another book chapter! A follow-on from the sense of belonging discussion piece that I wrote with Trixie. What’s one more publication/project? 🙂
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Too many emails!
Microsoft Office stock image My brain is a little fuzzy today, my first day back after 3 weeks annual leave. I have sorted through a LOT of emails, deleted many and attended to all the important ones. A couple of student crisis in there but mostly just mundane things to do.
In that 3 weeks I have been asked to review 3 different things – abstracts for the AARE conference and two journal articles. One is a review for a Q1 journal that I have not reviewed for before so I am happy about that one especially. I have committed to doing all 3, possibly because I’m crazy! Mostly because it is good on my resume. Unfortunately, it is just another thing on my already too long, to-do list.
I know it is an unpopular opinion but I don’t mind reviewing articles at all. I see Facebook posts from academics, usually American talking about the injustice of the academic system whereby we do research and PAY to have it published at times (open access that is) and we do a lot of work “for free” which includes reviewing. I guess I am lucky that my university encourages us to review and do any other typically unpaid “scholarly” work. As a teaching scholar I have 25% of my time allocated towards any scholarly activities (reviewing included) so it is up to me how much time I allocate to my own research and how much time I give to tasks like reviewing. The other advantage is I get to read the latest and greatest (or not so greatest) stuff in my area. In the case of the conference presentation abstracts I get a bit of a sneak peak at the conference before the whole program is released and I can decide if I want to save up money to attend.
As a PhD student with limited publications I think it looks very good on my resume, or in interviews, when I can say that I have completed multiple reviews for this journal and that journal – especially the top ranked journal I am about to do! As long as they send me some sort of completion certificate or acknowledgment of my efforts I am happy!
I have had a couple of meetings today and a catch up chat with my workmates here on campus. I think that is my excuse for not being as productive as I would like. Things, including emails, have been stacking up, but I do feel like I could have done more.
Still I had a good break while I was on leave and every time I started thinking about work or confirmation/PhD I just told myself to forget it and relax. I’m hoping it will take me a couple of days to catch up and then I’ll just be back in the swing of things. Once these reviews are done then I can focus on my confirmation report again and make some changes to the survey questions that Anna suggested. Then of course there is every other research project I am a part of… because I have done a giant NOTHING on any of them for at least the last 3 weeks. It’s catch up time indeed!
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Survey creation #1
Fair to say that I was very concerned and frustrated when I realised I had about 2 weeks to create my survey but I am feeling better about it now. I’m also thankful that I spent hours and hours a while back playing around with Qualtrics, the survey creating software the university uses, learning how it works and which it can do. It has been a pretty rocky journey creating the survey over the last few days.
Stock image from Microsoft Office Anna had been talking about using an instrument that someone else had already validated and I spent a long time looking at various self-efficacy scales. That included sort of general ones as well as more specific ones for maths, writing or something like that. It took me over a day to realise that NONE of them were ever going to be suitable because when it comes down to it self-efficacy scales are there to measure someone’s self-efficacy (high, low etc). But for my project I don’t actually care if their self-efficacy is high, low or somewhere in the middle. I only want to know if it has changed, yes or no, because of the enabling program that they did and then, most importantly, specifically WHAT CAUSED it to change?????
I probably should have realised that at the start but I got there in the end! So my next problem was breaking down academic self-efficacy into specific skills or tasks because Bandura says that it is much better to look at specific things, for example, writing an essay in the correct structure, rather than a general thing such as “writing skills.” So what are the specific things that students do in enabling programs? Well they are all different so that is a tough one! In my own experience, going from one university to another, I can confidently say that there are lots of things that are covered by both programs. But they are still very different.
So I thought I would have another look at the benchmarking project which one of my bosses Chris Cook was a part of. It was led by Suzie Syme who I have met online at a couple of the NAEEA events. They compared 3 different enabling programs and have moved on and now are doing the same thing with 12 programs. Their main findings were that although the assessment tasks were different the learning outcomes (or learning objectives if you prefer that terminology) were very similar. The did a thematic analysis of some kind I think and came up with 11 common learning outcomes.
So, knowing that Suzie Syme is going to be on my confirmation of candidature panel I took those 11 learning outcomes and “translated” them into tasks or skills. For example, the first learning outcome is “Knowledge of and ability to engage appropriately with university systems, expectations, academic conventions” and from my experience the main “university system” that students need to learn is the Learning Management System (LMS) such as Moodle, Blackboard or Canvas.
So from the 11 learning outcomes I ended up with 21 skills or tasks that I could ask students about. So I need to know a few different things. Did their confidence in each thing go up? Down? Sideways? Then if it did change (either up or down) what caused that? Was it one event, or a lightbulb moment? Or did it happen slowly over time? Really I want to know what situations/opportunities should we re-create to help improve students confidence with each of the skills they need to be able to do?
So I threw together the demographic questions without too many problems. I copied them from a previous survey I had done and just adjusted them slightly for my purposes here. Then I set up a table with the 21 skills/tasks down one side and 4 columns. First column is asking for their confidence levels when the first started in the enabling program. Next column is their confidence at the end. Then the next one asks what changed the confidence level and that is based on the four methods that Bandura proposes. Was it practice (something you did), Feedback (something someone said), Observation (watching someone else do it) or Feelings (the way you felt about it changed). They might need to be re-worded or altered but I think the idea is there. Then the last column asks if it happened in a lightbulb moment or over time.
I showed Stuart yesterday morning and he said he really liked my approach, which translates to “he loves it.” So that has really taken the pressure off but now I have to validate this darn survey I have created and that might be easier said that done!
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Equity in higher education - An Australian researcher 