Equity in higher education – An Australian researcher

Ana Larsen – Australian research about enabling programs and equity in higher education

  • Happy! So happy! But on the other hand… are you freaking kidding me?

    I have not posted much recently because I have been rather busy! The 8 weeks I was given to do the “minor” revisions on my confirmation report was stressful. I have been struggling to wrap my head around some of the things I need to do. I have sent emails telling people I wont be able to do one thing or another that I had previously said I could. I spent longer than I would like staring at my calendar and wondering what I could possibly skip or ignore. It’s been a little over 2 weeks and my constant self-reflection has had me looking at all I have to do in 8 weeks and the stress levels rose a little higher.

    Then I got some news about a surgery I have to have, 1 day before a PhD meeting and about a week before my 8 weeks revision time is up. At that point stress hit the level high enough for me to ask if it was possible to get that time extended. Yep, it got to the point where I knew I just wasn’t going to get it done in time. So I sucked up my pride and sent that email request.

    Within 24 hours I had the official email from the university re-assigning my due date for confirmation revisions from Oct 13th to December 7th. That’s right folks 8 mroe weeks! Why? Well because that 8 weeks is for full time students and I am in fact part time.

    Happy! Joy! Relief! Yey! Happy dance! Mostly relief! Then…

    Are you freaking kidding me? I jsut rearranged my whole life for the next 6 weeks! I spent 2 weeks of very high stress attempting to do so! For no reason! Well actually the reason is pretty jolly obvious. I assumed the date they gave me was correct and no-one, I mean NO ONE picked up on it, at least not when they should have – which is the day I was given that date. I would say my happy and joyous feelings are well and truly tainted by feelings of frustration.

    Well all make mistakes. I skim read emails thinking I know what’s going on, then later realise I was wrong. I skip over things I think are unimportant when I should not. I make typos that I don’t pick up on. Heck read this blog there’s probably hundreds of them! But I don’t manage other staff. I have in the past and I can promise you that every single time I knew a task would affect my staff I paid careful attention. It’s simple to me – the higher the stakes the more attention something gets.

    Surely everyone involved knew that confirmation of candidature is about as high stakes as it gets for a PhD student. There are not really any other significant milestones until completion. They know that! It’s not a stretch of the imagination for them to understand how this one oversight has caused a lot of stress. I thanked the person who worked it out – I acutally emailed them and told them they were my favorite person in the entire world. But no-one apologiesed for the mistake. Nothing even close to an apology, although all comunication so far has been via email. I may get an apology when we meet via Zoom/Teams next.

    Don’t misunderstand – I don’t mind either way if there is an apology or not. It would just be nice for my supervisors to acknowledge that along with this glorious news there is some understandable frustration as well. Mixed feelings for sure!

  • Theoretical Framework

    I have been trying desperately to wrap my head around Social Cognitive Theory this last little bit. I just did NOT see how it applied to my project because I am not interested in student behaviors, their choices (agency) and I’m only interested in their environment in that I want to improve enabling programs. I kept thinking that I’m only interested in what improved their self-efficacy and whether or not we can implement whatever that is in enabling education more widely.

    So it took a few days of a frustrating cycle of reading, learning, thinking, dismissing, getting frustrated and then readings something else. In the end I rang Anna (supervisor) and asked what I was missing. Because I do feel like I understood everything that Bandura was saying about SCT… but I still didn’t see the link to my project.

    So Anna pointed out an article of hers where she had applied Bandura’s SCT to inclusive assessments (I think, I still haven’t read the whole thing). She defined “behaviors” as “learning and teaching acts” and the penny dropped! I am not interested in student behavior but I AM interested in the learning and teaching that goes on!
    Basically I had adopted a very narrow view of what was meant by behaviors, and environment (situational factors) for that matter too! So this was a little difficult for me to come to terms with. I have always prided myself on my ability to see different perspectives, to think critically and so on. But I just did not see that my issue was a narrow view, or should I say definition.

    Maybe I was resistant to seeing more because I was fundamentally opposed to the feedback, just because it was feedback? I don’t think so! Yes, initially I was struggling to come to terms with the feedback (a normal reaction I’m told) but I am certain I have moved past that. Even more certain now I see the value in applying this framework to my project.

    Anyway, there is a lesson in there somewhere that I think it worth sharing (obviously). First, think about the theoretical framework for all projects early on. You can start with research questions, but that’s not always the best option. And then of course, KNOW your framework, backwards! Then there’s a lesson about defining the key terms or concepts.

    Make sure your definition is not too broad or too narrow. Check out what others have done and get advice from as many people as possible! Also I guess, don’t be scared to choose a different framework but do your research first!

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  • 10 days later

    It has been 10 days since my confirmation of candidature. I feel more positive overall about it now. That is mostly because of the meeting I had with my supervisors where we were both able to acknowledge that time management leading up to confirmation wasn’t the best.

    They also presented me some very logical arguments around where to from here type thing. We are going to start with inserting the theoretical framework stuff on Social Cognitive Theory (SCT) that the panel requested. I know in my head I only ever use SCT as a way to introduce self-efficacy and I always think of self-efficacy as “the framework” but now I see I need to do much more around SCT as well. So I have been reading up on SCT, so far, remember this is 10 days… I have read the equivalent of one thing (around 3 bits). I have NOT done enough. But I have been fighting a lack of motivation and also the urge to catch up on all the other things I have been neglecting because of confirmation. I probably rely too much on the fact that I do almost everything faster than most of the people around me.

    So I have read a couple of bits and pieces, I have written 2 small paragraphs of notes and requested THE 1986 text by Bandura to be delivered to my front door from the library. It’s not nothing, it’s not enough. I have however made a bit of progress in other areas, on other projects.

    I had 2 things to do for the Tim Fish team, and I’ve done one of those. I’ve written a grant proposal for a small grant from NAEEA and lined up the next one as well. I’ve done my marking and all other student-related things in the STEPS program and I’ve started to catch up the hours I need to in the Academic Learning Centre (ALC). I have not got many student appointments so I have to find 10 hours per week worth of assignments to give feedback on. There are plenty submitted but staying motivated to do that many is hard. I would much rather 10 student appointments.

    Last weekend and this weekend I did some ALC assignments to try and catch up as I was 23 hours behind – that is 23 assignments. Now I’m 21 behind but I have already done 5 out of 10 hours for this week. So I will have done my 10 by Wednesday morning and then I have Thursday to do some of those 21 hours. It’s week 7, so I will have to keep doing at least 5 over the weekend for the rest of term to catch up I think. It’s rather depressing when I think about it like that.

    I’ve also done 1 out of 9 abstract reviews for the NAEEA conference which I stuck up my hand to do a while ago. I’m not regretting that, it’s great experience, but the timing is not the best. There are a lot of other bits and pieces I have spent my time on in the last 10 days but probably nothing worth noting here. I guess I just wanted to say I have not been slack, but I have not been focused and that is not the best!

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  • Got the email!

    A screenshot of my confirmation being accepted with minor revisions

    I am very happy I didn’t have to wait a whole week, they sent the confirmation report today! It is still hard to read in parts and feels negative but I just keep telling myself not to take it personally. One thing really positive they said was that my project was timely and really significant to the field. They also complimented my presentation despite the fact that they thought I had missing information from it.

    They had a bit to say about my research questions and method and I skimmed over that because I’m still not quite ready to take it on with the right attitude. I did like it that they pointed to the research questions as much as the method because I too was thinking their issues arose, not from a lack of understanding, but from my lack of communication. They didn’t understand what I was trying to achieve, so therefore they didn’t understand why my chosen method was the best. And when it comes down to it, that is a fault of mine, in writing the research questions and also communicating the aims of my project. Noted. But still difficult feedback to read.

    The other thing I found challenging was that they didn’t think my literature review was critical enough, but I would have said that was one of my strengths. Well perhaps I’m rusty on the critical side of things. Perhaps I was more trying to show the gap in the literature rather than be critical of what does exist.

    In the end I don’t feel like I did the other day. I think I can come out of this with MY project intact. And as I said, I will learn a lot and that is ultimately the most important thing. Plus every time I see the bit that says “Confirmed – subject to minor revisions” I feel very, very happy. MINOR revisions! There is a meme which I probably can’t source properly but I’ll add it:

    From Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/academicssay/posts/3170873736467735

    So yes, I am REALLY happy with that magic word “minor” in the official response.

    On that note, it’s Friday, 4:10pm and I’m sneaking off early because everyone else left 10 minutes ago and I have had a long week, very emotional and so on! Plus I’m doing nothing but assignment feedback for ALC students all weekend. I did finish my enabling students’ marking today though! Yey! x2

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  • Confirmation…and now waiting again!

    It is REALLY difficult to outline a PhD sized project in 10,000 words. It is even harder to discuss it in 20 minutes, which is what I attempted to do today in my confirmation presentation. Everyone commented that my project was valuable, well chosen and worthy of researching. That was very positive. They also said I spoke very well which is no surprise to me, I am naturally a public speaker but I know that is rare. I felt very relieved after I had done the presentation but that feeling was quickly overridden by nerves as I knew I had to answer questions.

    Wendy, bless her, asked about my motivations for choosing the project and I was able to talk a bit about my background, undergraduate study and so on…

    Then the panel members started asking questions. Some were really great and more things to consider rather than probing questions. Some were not! Now I know that every single PhD goes through this, but somehow that wasn’t much comfort! A lot of it was around things lacking in either the ethics discussion or the method. I think this annoyed me the most because I had spent so much time working on the literature review and not enough on other sections of the confirmation report. I was asking again and to talk more about the method and other parts of the confirmation with my supervisors and I just kept getting redirected to the literature. It was frustrating at the time. It was more frustrating today because I KNEW my project had holes in it and I WANTED to plug those holes weeks ago but could not.

    Then there were some other things that I should have known but they didn’t occur to me because of how rushed and last minute some parts were – again I link this back to my time management (early on especially) but also to my supervisors directions. For example, in the ethical considerations part I did not talk about my own background and worldview and how that might influence the project. I should have known better than to leave that out. Dumb. Really dumb.

    So then after the questions I waited almost 2 hours for Anna to contact me. As I thought, they are going to want revisions and I think that will be of the major variety. I guess that is good news because I will have 12 weeks to do them. I am certain it is going to be the most painful, soul destroying process if I take it to heart for even one moment. The sticking point for me was that after all the research I had done on online interviews verses email interviews they wanted me to do focus groups!! It was clear to me that I had not communicated my project very clearly if they believed that focus groups is the best choice. Either that or they know absolutely nothing about email interviews at all.

    However (Knight in shining armor enters stage left) I spoke to Trixie James this afternoon and she literally gave me the attitude I know I need to adopt. Prior to that I was ready to take a 2 year break from study and go do a project proving that email interviews would be better. Sigh. Trixie highlighted that this whole thing, this ENTIRE PhD is just a stepping stone to get me to where I want to be. I need to tick their boxes, cross their T’s and dot their I’s. If this project turns out nothing like I imagined that doesn’t really matter as long as I am learning along the way and of course as long as I get the piece of paper at the end.

    So far I have learnt a lot about pedagogy, emotional labor and I’ve also armed myself with knowledge that will make me a better PhD supervisor in the future. So long as I am learning, that is all that matters. I just don’t want to “make a name for myself” with this project. I mean if they are going to ask me to change my methodology then it’s not my project anymore, it’s theirs. I REALLY want to distance myself from it as much as possible. It will have my name on it, but I no longer think this will be my project. That is how I feel at the moment. I will no doubt feel differently tomorrow or the next day.

    So here I am, adopting Trixie’s attitude – let’s just get this done… so what’s next? What do I do now?

    Now? Now I wait a week for their full report. Sigh.

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  • Another review back!

    I have not got a lot to share today. In fact I’d say the last week or so has just been a blur of preparing for my confirmation presentation, keeping up with emails and student enquiries and marking assessments.

    However! The team I’m on with Tim Fish and others from Monash and Deakin University did get our paper back after being under review for months. Naturally they want major revisions and one reviewer is more negative than the other – but I am gauging that by the emails I have seen only as I have not yet read their reviews.

    That is all!

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  • and… marking hits

    Microsoft Office Stock Image

    I have ALMOST finished the slides for my confirmation of candidature presentation but I haven’t yet done a proper run through, have really only THOUGHT about what I’m going to say for each slide. I have some time tomorrow so I’m feeling A-OK about that. At the moment I’m most worried about marking.

    I have 33 learning portfolios to mark in 2 weeks. So that is at least 2.3 per day… let’s say 3 and then I’ll get some time off on the weekends. I’m also behind on my Academic Learning Centre (ALC) hours, so that means I’ll have to make that up by providing feedback for assignments which have been submitted online to the ALC.

    I guess it never rains it pours! I knew that as soon as I handed in the report for confirmation it would be straight onto the next thing, then the next and so on. But I am still surprised at how short the relief period was. Part of this is the things going on outside of work and study as well, mostly relating to my hobbies at the moment.

    So yes, fair to say that marking, this time around, has hit me pretty hard… I only hope that it is lollies raining down as a result! I also don’t think the marking is smiling like the girl in the picture above, but it seemed the most relevant one I could find.

    As always I have tried to plan my time, using my Outlook calendar. But there just isn’t that many spaces on it! Not enough hours in the day. Once again, I’m going to be working on the weekend and during my evenings.

    Today I have 2 hours of meetings for the social innovation team I’m part of. One is a general meeting and the other is a shut-up and write session for the discussion piece we are working on. I really value the shut-up and write sessions and attend a few regularly. I find it’s just a great way to carve out time for specific projects and thus helps me get things done. I will attend today for those reasons, but really I’d like to be marking assignments instead!

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  • Back on the road again

    Microsoft Office Stock Image

    I am indeed back on the road again, back to normal, feeling great! At the same time, I feel like the picture above best represents that road! It’s not a peaceful journey through calm countryside, it is a blur! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    It’s almost 10am on a Saturday and so far I’ve been very productive today, just doing a bit of everything! I do hope to get stuck into some PhD things later, probably looking at the findings from the first scoping literature review. There is a bit to wade through there indeed!

    I’ve also started a document recording all the things I’m a part of for future promotions or fellowship applications and so on. Between the FedUni research focus group, professional memberships and the CQU things I’m a part of it is actually looking like a decent list! Some of these things require more of my time than others and at different times some benefit me more than others but they are all very much worth it.

    I have done a little bit today for the book chapter which is due in September and before lunch I will look at my findings relating to Women in STEM. From what I have glanced at so far most of the sources I found showed women had lower self-efficacy than men and there was a large variety of programs that were evaluated and found to improve self-efficacy. It seems to be fairly consistent literature which I guess is a positive thing. STEM is not really my area but the stark disadvantage certainly is!

    Yes today, for the first time in a while, just feels like a normal day!

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  • Short lived relief!

    Microsoft Office Stock Image

    So yesterday at 4:46 pm I officially emailed the final, finished copy of my 10,000 word confirmation report to my supervisors and research services. I most certainly felt relief, even though I was not 100% happy with my method and data analysis section. But all evening I was relaxed and happy, not a care in the world. Much like this cat seemingly joyfully sleeping! Yep, that was me!

    By this morning I had pretty much gone back into work mode. What’s next? What is most urgent? What does my to-do list look like?

    Well number 1, I have not been doing 10 hours per week of work for the Academic Learning Centre (ALC) which means I need to do quote a few online assignments (read and provide feedback for students) to catch up my hours there. It’s somewhat tedious work but I know the students benefit from it, so I don’t mind too much. The other aspect is that for each assignment I am allocated 1 hour, but I finish most of them within 40-45 minutes.

    The second priority is the book chapter that Ondine and I are working on. It is a scoping literature review and we are still ploughing through the search results in an excel spreadsheet, essentially mining the data from them. I was doing a good job of chipping away at that for a while. I got through around 70 search results over a period of about 10 weeks. Then confirmation became the priority and I haven’t done any for a while. Mind you, neither has my co-author! So I guess we’re even! None of it really mattered because the editors were still preparing the book proposal to go to Springer.

    Well I received an email this morning, Springer are keen to publish the book based on the proposal, fantastic news! But now we have a timeline! It is not feeling easily achievable, but I know that rushed, last minute chapters have got through in the past, and will do into the future! Heck, my confirmation report was totally rushed, much to my disgust. So I’m meeting with Ondine today to essentially say, we NEED to put the accelerator on NOW! Chapters must be submitted for peer review September 18th.

    Now just in case I haven’t talked about this book chapter before I’ll give you a bit of a rundown on how it came to be. It started with the scoping literature review searches I have done as part of my PhD. I was using terms like “minority groups” and “self-efficacy” but for my PhD I was only looking for articles that talk about the students self-efficacy, however I got quite a few results that were talking about the teacher’s self-efficacy. So I kept them to one side as a point of interest. Then when this particular call for chapters came out I realised I had around 60 articles based on teacher self-efficacy relating to teaching diverse student groups that could be the beginning of a literature review.

    So I pitched it to Ondine who was happy to join with me and we put in an abstract! Sounds simple doesn’t it? Well we have since done an additional search and got around 110 search results to go through. And we can see some common themes already. Most articles propose that teacher education should include work experience with diverse student groups, usually including special education (in Australia we have some schools especially for students with disabilities). They also commonly refer to ongoing PD for teachers and mentors or support within schools for teachers.

    So that covers number 1 and 2 on my list now, of course I also have the revisions for the digital literacy paper, surveys to send out for the TAFE project, ethics application for my PhD, planning the actual presentation for confirmation of candidature and marking will start at the end of next week. No rest for the wicked they say!

  • 2 days to go!

    Today seems to be such a mixed day! Trixie James and I received notification that our article has been published which was fantastic. It is those “winning” moments that keep me going. I have emailed the pdf to as many people as I could think of… and received some wonderfully encouraging replies too. Plus there was no less than 3 shameless self-citations in the article. Unfortunately, 2 of them were “in press” and in one case the name of the edited book has changed! Not sure if it’s worth sending something to the journal to see if they can update that! Still I figure if someone does a search, 5 years from now, hopefully they will search for the title of the chapter and find it. Speaking of shameless self-promotion:

    Larsen, A., & James, T. (2022). A sense of belonging in Australian higher education: the significance of self-efficacy and the student-educator relationship. Journal of University Teaching & Learning Practice, 19(4). https://ro.uow.edu.au/jutlp/vol19/iss4/05

    The TAFE project has had ethics approved as well. It only took them a couple of days which was amazing! Having said that, ethics had already been granted by Federation University so they just had to give the all clear for us to recruit participants through this university. So now I have to work out how to get my hands on the list of students/email addresses that I need. We also need to set up meetings again because I can no longer see them in my calendar… lots to do on the TAFE project indeed! I think I will wait until after my confirmation report has been submitted on Wednesday.

    My principle supervisor has not replied to my emails or done any reviews of my writing for over a week now. That has caused me a bit of stress, maybe a lot of stress. I feel stressed but my body hasn’t shown too many signs yet. Usually I get pimples, muscle aches or SOMETHING when I’m really stressed. Still I imagine she has a reasonable amount of confidence in me so that is a compliment. Plus she’s probably got bigger fish to fry!

    My report is currently only 250 words over the limit, feeling very positive about that aspect. I’m still not sure my method section is clear enough or includes everything that it should. I think I am spending too much time trying to justify my choices of method rather than just saying “this is what I am doing”. When it all comes down to it I’m just worried because I have only got 2 days to go and I have a LOT of work commitments in that time as well.

    So, I’ve got to stop outpouring and begin working!

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