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Winner! Winner!
Well life is about to be turned up-side-down for me! I will be withdrawing from all the amazing projects which I am a part of unless they are near to completed. I will continue to be the SIG leader for the Self-Efficacy group within NAEEA but I will give up my leadership role in the AARE Social Justice SIG. I no longer have time…. because…

I WON A SCHOLARSHIP!!!
A RTP (Commonwealth Governement) scholarship through FedUni!!!!! But the condition is that I have to be a full-time PhD student. So I have checked the rules and I’m allowed to keep my 0.5 FTE job. I’m going to have my cake and eat it too! I’m going to be paid to work AND paid to study! So, the story from the start!
Well I didn’t really think I had any chance of getting it when I applied. Once before I got a scholarship but that was hardship based because I had to travel to get to a placement (50 ks or there abouts from memory). This one was merit based (which I understood) but I didn’t really know exactly what they were looking for – it was all a bit vague. It was explained to me later that there was 3 equally weighted criteria.
- Past results. I was told my honours results but I think it must have included my undergraduate results as well. I am making that assumption because I got second-class honours (which I think is similar to distinction) but I had a distinction (nearly high distinction) undergraduate average which was more impressive in a Monash Arts degree
- The project. I had to write about how my project linned up with the strategic plan of the university and how it would contrubute to the field of knowledge. My project is about self-efficacy and marginalised student groups – it relates directly to student retention and success. If I couldn’t make it obvious how it was going to benefit the university and the world then there must have been something seriously unclear about what I wrote! So I think this criteria was a strength.
- Research outputs. I had 2 conference presentations, 1 conference poster, 2 book chapters and 4 journal articles when I put the application in. All of these are from “side-projects” and not directly related to my PhD but that didn’t matter. I am certain that there are not many other PhD students with that many research outputs, so I assume this was another strong point in my application.
The irony was not lost on me! The university said rather loudly with this schoalrship that my research outputs were a good thing when my supervisors have been saying that I have too many side projects. Not recently though, they have been happy with my progress. I hope that can continue as I move to full-time in January!
By the way, I DID inform my supervisors I was applying for this scholarship but that was one of those emails which they felt was unimportant and did not require a reply. I am not sure how much of a shock it was to them when they were CC’d into the congratulations email!
Since I got the congratulations email I have been in logic-mode organising my life and how I’m going to fit everything in. I haven’t really had time to stop and just soak it in that out of all the PhD students at the university who applied, they awared this to me. It is by far a career highlight – my biggest thus far – and it will be hard to beat in the future. I am feeling extrememly happy, a little bit daunted or scared, but mostly I just want to get on with it. I don’t want to waste this win as a motivating factor.
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The other half!
So last time I wrote an update on the status of most of my projects but not my PhD because there have been some ethical issues. I have had plenty of time to reflect on those so I am going to attempt to speak about it.
My PhD is going to have participants from the university where I study (FedUni) and the university where I work (CQUniversity). I think the ability to compare the data is very important, especially in the field of enabling education where there are some single-institute papers but not a lot ot multi-institution stuff done. Initially I wanted to involve as many universities as possible but that was squashed by the confirmation panel. I hope to have the willpower and the energy to gather data from other universities after my PhD is done.
At CQUniversity they are going to provide me with a list of students names and email addresses for all the students that fit my requirements – that is they have finished the enabling program within the last 2 years and have entered (or are about to enter) into undergraduate study. I will then send the email invitation to those students from my CQU email address. I have no direct connection to those students or power over their grades, although there is still a power imbalance just because I am a lecturer and they are students. I didn’t see an issue with this at all.
The procedure for FedUni was going to be very similar except the Student Communications team was going to get the list, send the emails and let me know how many eligilble students recieved the invite. Again, no problems that I saw. I cannot stress this enough…
I HAVE ETHICS APPROVAL FROM THE COMMITTEES AT BOTH UNIVERSITIES TO DO THAT as my recruitment method. Both universities. Both approved. The TAFE project with Sue was similar in that we wanted the students that had done VET course and then used it to enter university. What felt like “all of a sudden” we were not allowed to have access to the list of those students. That would not provide it to us, Student Comms, The Pope, no one! At first Sue and I did not understand why.
It is a privacy issue because those students have not explicitly stated that their email address (which is their personal contact information even if the email address was provided by the university) can be used for research purposes. Most universities (aparently – un-checked information) get around this with a tick-box on the enrollment forms but FedUni does not have that in place. One pretty good analogy would be if a doctors surgery gave us the list of patients that were diabetic – that is an obvious breach of privacy and we came to realise this was too.
So for a few weeks Sue and I spoke to various people to try and have it all explained to us. It just seemed outrageous (at the time) that we had ethics approval for this – so how could they stop us on ethical grounds? I guess it was hard to see past that at first. In the end we spoke to an amazing woman right at the top of the ethics food-chain at FedUni and she gave us the doctor-patient analogy – then we got it! So we asked a few questions about what changed and talked about other details such as the fact that the ethics committee obviously wasn’t aware of this or they would not have approved our project!
My next challenge was communicating all of this to my supervisors. Remember that they had repeatedly told me they were giving me too much of their time and I felt quite hesitant to bother them with anything. They were very dismissive of the issue when I raised it. They kept reassuring me that as long as it all went through Student Comms it would be fine. I was told to trust the system. I was told flat out that it was a “non-issue”. In this case, as the powerless student, I did know better, so I was persistant. In the end I had to go over my supervisors heads and get the amazing lady from the top of the ethics food-chain to speak to my supervisors.
They then attempted to sell me the “it’s not a big deal we will just change the recruitment method” story. I openly complained about a lack of communication as after they’d spoken to the ethics lady they had not communicated anything to me. I did not know if I needed to do an ammendment for ethics (as my recruitment method was changing) and I thought there was a possibility I might have to re-do confirmation of candidature as it could have been considered a significant change in my project. Anyway, at the time it was quite stressful and I did feel very powerless and unheard.
There is plenty more to reflect on. For example, I haven’t seen the enrollment forms at CQU so I am only assuming that students do give their permission for us to use their email addresses for reserach invitations. I am certain that I do not want to be the person who exposes a privacy issue within the university if there is one (which I doubt, but it is a small possibility). There is a whole lot of power relations going on there so with that in mind I’ve chosen the “trust the system” and just keep quiet approach. I’m sure there are others in similar postions elsewhere.
The end result for me is that one university is going to allow me to contact the specific students I need via email and the other will have a different recruitment method where I will essentially put an add in the student newsletter. It’s not ideal but my supervisors are happy and so I (once again, and here you’ll also note that power differential) am just doing what I am told!
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Half an update!
It has been a while so I’m just going to attempt to write an update on anything and everything! Perhaps one journal article at a time! The hard part is I can’t remember what I have written previously and what I haven’t! Apologies if there is repetetion!
- The typology discussion piece and the autoethnography on change fatigue are still in press officially.
- The covid article, social innovation discussion piece, the study on staffing rural schools and the one about student concerns during COVID were all rejected. Each one is at a different stage now but there’s plans to resubmit each one.
- My solo project on staff views of social equity discourses is going ok – I have a couple of emails to send but so far I’ve enjoyed the email interview process.
- The meme project is nearly ready for ethics ammendments to be submitted.
- We haven’t really heard anything from either of the edited book! Just a waiting game there.
- The Wellbeing SIg AND the Self-Efficacy SIG’s are BOTH about to start autoethnography projects – I’m leading them both and so far so good.
- The UNESCO project is moving along slowly but the TAFE project has stalled. Issue with accessing the list of students that have come from TAFE to unversity.
I actually don’t have time to get into that giant ethical issue right now – but I will say it has resulted in me having to come up with a new recruitment method for my PhD. Which of course means ethics ammendments and the whole works. I’ve got to run – at least that was half an update!
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Ethics ahoy!
Life outside of work and study has been hectic and, well let’s just say “bumpy” but work has been going exceptionally well. I was offered 10 additional hours per week for 6 weeks. This is going to help my bank balance so of course I said yes. The down side is that the 10 hours looks more like 15 when I think about the extra admin. So it’s 10 hours of Academic learning center (ALC) appointments. If I don’t get 10 students in a week then I fill it out by doing online assignments. I much prefer student appointments so I have FILLED my entire calendar with available slots in the hope that I get 10. So far I have, but I have also got 4 referral students (with regular appointments). The time spent emailing students and setting up those appointments etc does not count. Plus I’ve got a couple of tricky students where I’ve also spent time talking to lecturers. I’ve also got at least a couple of workshops in the evenings which messes up my calendar too! So work has become a little busy.
Then of course essay writing marking has hit! I’ve got some online students and some on campus to mark. I should get them all done within the 2 week turnaround. I have never not met that deadline, but it’s going to be close this time and I might need to do some in my evenings. I’m not highly motivated towards marking which is probably three quarters of the issue.
In other news, did I mention the article with Michelle from South Africa was published? I mean it has been in-press for ages, but it actually came out! I’ve enjoyed updating Orcid and things like my staff profile as well as emailing it to people. It’s open acess so if you want to read it here is the link: https://ro.uow.edu.au/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2716&context=jutlp
I guess the other major event is ethics approval for my PhD. As my supervisor said, it happened just how it was supposed to. The ethics committee asked for some revisions, I did those, then it was accepted. No dramas at all! I then put in the request at CQU and they asked for my Dean’s approval. I have sent them that this morning so any moment now I am expecting official approval. Then I can get the student details from the program manager, Chris, and invite some students to do a pilot! It really feels like things are moving which is great. So indeed ethics ahoy!
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Student Grief – Such a worthy topic!
Yesterday I read an amazing autoethnography by Alexandra Ridgway which is called “Love, loss and a doctorate: an autoethnography of grieving while writing a PhD.” Would recommend! Here’s the DOI: https://doi.org/10.1080/07294360.2021.2019202
As my father passed away during my undergraduate degree (and my mum 7 years later, less than a year before I started my PhD) this particular topic resonnated with me. In my mind it linked in with pedagogies of care (Motta & Bennett, 2018 [don’t know why I wrote that, there is no way I’m also doing a reference list!]). And the stuff I have read about emotional labour, neoliberalism and a whole lot of stuff sort of all link to the student experience of grief and how that impacts not only their study journey, but the educator as well.
I do like to think of how proud my parents would be of me if they were still around and I do use that to motivate myself at times. Plus it was just a really brave topic to write about.
So I emailed the author and told her how wonderful I thought it was! She replied within a day and gave me links to two more of her articles on student grief.
I have not read them yet but here they are – open access.
Ridgway, A. (2023). The Call: A Semi-Fictional Account of Student Grief During the COVID Pandemic. UNESCO Observatory Multidisciplinary E-Journal in the Arts, Vol 9, Issue 1.8. Available online at: https://www.unescoejournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/2023_VOL9_8_Ridgeway.pdf
Ridgway A., Hay, A., Matthews, A., Breen, L.J., & Cupit, I. (2023). Revitalising Universities for Grieving Students in (Post-) COVID Times. UNESCO Observatory Multidisciplinary E-Journal in the Arts, Vol 9, Issue 1.9. Available online at: https://www.unescoejournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/2023_VOL9_9_Ridgeway-et-al.pdf
I could probably write an entire thesis on all the ways that grief and loss has impacted who I am as a person, my motivation, my outlook on life and of course my study from undergraduate through to this one-third finished PhD. I wont, at least not until I’ve finished said PhD – but I will write this blog post to encourage others to read on the topic of student grief, to consider it in their practice and to consider doing work in this area. Grief is such a large part of attrition and equity in higher education.
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Random thoughts on Self-Efficacy
I keep seeing statements in published articles about enabling students, or equity group students, students that belong to some form of “disadvantaged” background, etc where they state (as if it was just a fact) that these students have low self-efficacy or LOWER than other student groups. Some of them have a reference to back this up, and no doubt there have been some studies that used self-efficacy scales and did some comparisons… but not that many!
I wonder if it is just our perception? For example, I have taught a LOT of mature-aged students over the years, most of them regional/rural students and a large chunck of them them would be low-socioeconomic. I could easily say they had lower self-efficacy than other students… . I COULD say that if I didn’t think about it too deeply. But what characteristics are they displaying that makes me think that?
Well, they ask a lot of questions. They want reassurance sometimes. They will say things like “I’m scared I’m going to fail this assignment”. They seem to dedicate as much time as possible to studying and would easily be described as “highly committed”. But does all that even equal low self-efficacy? If I actually asked one of them “are you going to suceed at university” I think I would be highly likely to get a “hell yes” or similar. I might get some form of “I’m not sure” and I might get “No I think I’m going to fail” but the results would certainly be varied on an individual level.
If we got more specific about the task (as we shold according to Bandura). Perhaps asking them if they think they have the referencing correct in their first essay… again I think the results would be varied. Some would say “yes, I have checked that referencing guide ten times!” and others would say “I don’t know” and so on.
Rather than wittnessing low levels of self-efficacy I think it is highly likely that we are actually seeing high levels of help-seeking behaviour or something else. We are “feeling” like they need a lot of our support/time/attention and translating that into low self-efficacy. Is it possible that a student can be “high needs” and still have high self-efficacy? I think maybe it is! I really think the actual levels of self-efficacy would be far more varied than we would estimate for these so called “disadvantaged” students.
Someone remind me to publish on this in 4 years when I have finished my PhD!!!!
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Take That!
I had an extreme case of satisfaction in my PhD meeting today. Despite their concerns about me juggling too many projects I was able to send them a full draft of the first publication for my PhD. For anyone that has forgotten that is a scoping literature review where I personally applied inclusion/exclustion criteria to over 3600 search results. Now the draft was by no means perfect, it was a draft. But it was pretty solid and I had done a lot of the tedious things like putting it into the template for the journal and checking the reference list. My supervisors only had minor things to say about it and were quite happy with the work I had put into it. I just felt like it was a solid output and I could clearly demonstrate the work I had put in. No one could question that – so that equalled satisfaction galore!
I have feedback from my PhD ethics application. Minor revisions required, which I expected and is totally normal, although there’s some chance my supervisors will view that as a failure on my part.
In other news, I think I’ll be invovled in another autoethnography with the Wellbeing SIG but I’ll be leading this one. It is still forming now, so nothing is certain. So far only Susan Hopkins has agreed to join me! Liam joined us in the first meeting for the year. I thought it might be awkward because we used to work together but it wasn’t at all. Respect.
I have neglected the UNESCO project and the Meme project but I’ve put a chunk of time into other things. The self-efficacy book chapter with Trixie is almost ready to go and obvioulsy I finished off the PhD article as well. The covid article with Sue is just waiting on an answer from the journal because their website says Harvard referencing and then provides examples that are clearly APA and not Harvard. I’ve also done a bit on the social innovation article but that is all happening within a weekly meeting, so I’m not sure that counts.
In the NAEEA project I have had 12 responses to the survey and around 5 of those have agreed to do part two, the email interview. I’d like a few more responses but if that’s all I get I’ll run with it!
I’ve also had a great time teaching. My Essay Writing group on campus is pretty small but they are engaged. My online group seems to be less engaged but I’m only judging that by the number of emails I have recieved. I haven’t had any issues with the ALC stuff either, including the workshop I did last night. So far, all smooth. All in all, until marking the first assessment hits I would predict smooth sailing in regards to teaching this term. Maybe I shouldn’t have explicitly said that because Murphy’s Law might come into play!
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Darn emotions!
Well I have been struggling lately with emotions and work/study! Just very mixed feelings on a lot of things I think.
We had orientation today which is always fun! As usual, we had a student panel of past students and not one, but two out of three cried! One had lost a family member right before starting their course and the other has a very long, complicted and tragic story too. When she said that the STEPS program had saved her, I knew she wasn’t exagerating and I before I knew it I was crying too. Luckily I was sitting in the rows, among the students, facing forwards so I doubt anyone but perhaps the panel members saw me. What we do as enabling educators is just SO important. I rarely grumble about my job, but if I ever do… welll I jolly shouldn’t. I love it.
At the moment I’m preparing for term and feeling a tiny bit stressed. That’s mostly because I’m doing a couple of new things this term. 1. Teaching Essay Writing for the first time. 2. Doing an embedded unit for the Academic Learning Center. And of course, on top of that I’ve done my ethics applicaiton for my PhD and will hopefully be doing a pilot test soon! Most likely I’ll have revisions to do on the ethics application first, we’ll see.
Anyway not too stressed, just having to plan each day and each week a little more carefully than usual. I might have to do some work into the evenings next week, see how I go. There’s a book chapter I need to review and some thematic analysis for another project. So that’s one side, busy busy as usual but it is countered by all the good stuff!
I get to meet a whole new group of students in essay writing! The book that was put together primarily by FedUni has come out… The article with Michelle from South Africa has also officially been accepted. Michelle has sent them an email once per month since November (we returned the revised version in October or November – can’t remember which). Well, we finally got a response and it seems they thought they had notified us in November!! These things happen I guess! Sigh. Anyway, that adds another publication to my 2023 list.
I say list because the two book chapters from the FedUni SJIDE group are now out, that’s 2 publications this year. I’ll no doubt miss the book launch but I’m super happy anyway! The book is here: https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-19-5008-7
So for those at home counting (like I am) that’s 2 publications so far and 3 in press which I can only assume will come out this year. There is three more on top of that submitted and one very close to submission. Not sure how many of those will make it into the 2023 publication list, could be a total of 8.
On that high note, so long!
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Pain, suffering and a citation!
When I found out I got the NAEEA grant I was so happy, and surprised, I gasped! I was conscious that my associate supervisor was there and probably wasn’t aware I had even applied for the grant, or that I was doing that side-project. But that project already has ethics approval, so I’ve been working on it for ages, probably a year I would say. Anyway, he did speak to me shortly after and let me know he thought I had too many projects on the go. Now for the record I’m not even saying that he is wrong. I do have lots of things all on the go at once. AND I’m happy to admit that at least a couple of things ALWYAS get negelected. At the moment that is the digital literacy paper (because I keep passing it to my co-authors who also do nothing on it) and the Intersectionality discussion piece which, a year later, is still sitting as a 4000 word rough draft. But neither of those project have any sort of deadlines and clearly my co-authors aren’t too fussed. I cannot honestly say that my PhD is always my number one priority, but I can say with 101% certaintly that it is NEVER the thing that gets neglected completely. I am right on track to complete every single item in the timeline that we (both supervisors and myself) agreed on. So in my mind, there is actually no real need for concern.
Well that conversation was put to me like it would be my principle supervisor that would be concerned and that she would be talking to me about cutting back projects (she didn’t/hasn’t) and that they both wanted me to finish my PhD early. I argued that I did not see the advantage in finishing early because I needed more time to prepare for being an Early Career Researcher so I could take advantage of that 5 years. I also have opportunities that are only available to PhD students, and I want to take full advantage of those. I have no intention of finishing early, none whatsoever. He seemed to accept that.
Now I’m not sure when, but at some point during that conference he spoke to my Associate Dean and expressed his concerns about my multiple projects, workload, PhD etc etc. She is wonderful, and supportive and undoubtedly wants the best for me. But I have been building a case over the last two years for MORE work because I want to go from 0.5 FTE to at least 0.7 FTE. Well, my bank account wants my fraction to go up! In one foul swoop he planted a seed that perhaps I wasn’t coping. Considering my PhD is with FedUni and I work for CQUniversity it is REALLY innapropriate for him to be discussing anything related to my PhD with my Dean. If anything did need to be communicated to my Dean it would be through offical FedUni channels and that would probably mean my principle supervisor, not associate, not under any circumstances is it appropriate.
While I let things settle and contemplate my next move on that front I am trying to focus on the positives. A team from Indonesia cited the paper from Trixie and I on Self-Efficacy. That’s my second citation, but the first one from people I have never met or worked with.
Outside of work I have been doing yoga all year so far and the pain I was experiencing in my neck and back is much better.
So indeed there are positive things to note! – My ethics application is all but done, so data collection here I come!
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What’s a routine again?
I don’t want to talk to much about life outside of the university, but Christmas was lonely and New Year’s was sort of ruined when I hurt my toe, requiring 3 stitches!
Still I got a bunch of PhD stuff done over that holiday break. That includes 150 sources for the second Scoping Literature Review (SLR) and a draft of the first SLR article. It still has a couple of gaps in it but it’s aroun 80% there. I also put quite a lot of work into the ethics application, I’d say it is 3/4 done. I sent all of that to my supervisors. One was on leave and didn’t reply or respond at all. That is of course, A-OK as they are on leave. The other one confirmed for me that the Plain Language Information Sheet (PLIS) is the next thing for ethics and helped me look at the timeline so I get it done. They had read what I had done and made a few comments. But they didn’t get time to look at the article draft, which was a little dissapointing; made moreso because they gave me a copy of some reviwer’s guidelines as a checklist for the article… not knowing themselves if I’d already addressed those things or not. It was fairly obvious and straightforward stuff like :is the purpose of the reivew made clear.
The Change Fatigue paper is almost ready for submission and the article about pre-service teachers rural placements is just about to be re-submitted. Sue and I are going to mail merge out the surveys for the TAFE project this Friday. I’ve also got a review done for Corrin (American woman I deal with from a group of journals from Common Ground). So if that’s the list of things I have been doing… my list of things I haven’t touched is longer:
Book chapter with Trixie
Rurality article
Rural Placement project
UNESCO project
TAFE project
Intersectionality article
Cross-school grant team question 4 article.
Fair to say I have not been very productive so far this year. I’ve been distracted by things in my personal life, including upcoming dance teaching. I guess you could say I’m just not feeling it. I’ve spoken to a couple of others and they are having the same issue. At least two other academics have extended their annual leave because they need a longer break. Good on them for doing what is best for themselves. Then I think maybe I push myself too much like these people? Maybe I need a break too! Maybe my list of things I haven’t worked on is A-OK! I am just trying to get back into a routine, including fitness and dancing (to look after myself).