I will absolutely write an entry about where my PhD is at now and then keep that updated but I think the story so far is really worth telling. I have been working as an academic for 6 and a half years now, 5 as a sessional (casual) and then the last 1.5 years here at CQU, part time, 0.5 FTE. I have known right from the start that I needed a PhD if I wanted to get from level A to B (pay rise) and that to get ongoing work it was pretty much required as well.

There was never any doubt that I would eventually get a PhD, but it was something for “down the track” and not something I was going to jump into. As the years went by and my sessional income jumped up and down, looking more precarious every semester the urgency I felt got bigger and bigger. How long could I hold out on sessional wages? How long could my partner take the stress of not being able to make any financial plans?

I have known for years what my topic would be. Ha! In the end that changed! I wanted to look at religion and how it impacted transition to university. But I didn’t get top marks in Honours and that had a domino effect. I then couldn’t get into a PhD at Monash and have the supervisor that I wanted. My second choice had retired and my third choice had moved to Queensland! So I got to a breaking point where I decided I just needed to pick a topic, and a supervisor and jump in!

I knew I would be happy as long as I was looking at something that would help students from marginalised groups, basically as long as I was looking at improving enabling programs it was all OK! So I needed to pick a theory or concept that I could apply to enabling students. I toyed with looking at grit or resilience but then settled on self-efficacy. I had done psychological studies as a major in my undergraduate degree so I knew a bit about self-efficacy AND there were a couple of academics in the School of Education that worked in and around it. Problem solved!

It sounds simple doesn’t it? Wanted to do a PhD. Felt an urgency to get it started. Picked a concept and a group of students. Wham! Go! I’m not sure how accurate that story is! In one way it is totally true and correct. In another way there was hours and hours of contemplating if I was doing the right thing. This is a SIX YEAR project. I am going to have to be 101% committed to it. My choice in topic and supervisors could make all the difference. It is what is going to shape my career. I will be an expert in that topic – better choose wisely!

One could over-think these things for a millennia! I choose to ignore my brain when it started second-guessing. I realised that I would be a part of many different research projects and all I needed was some expertise to contribute to each one. Self-efficacy is not just a fad, it’s been around a long time. It’s not going to suddenly stop mattering in education. When it comes down to it I can shape my career and if I don’t want to be stuck as the self-efficacy enabling expert I can break away from that. I couple of projects and a few publications on another topic and everyone will probably forget I ever muttered the words self-efficacy. I don’t expect I will need to distance myself from this topic, but I know I could if I need to.

I’m going to do my confirmation of candidature sometime in the next few weeks and I don’t regret jumping in yet. I don’t feel like I have learnt much on the journey so far. It’s been more laborious than anything else. I guess I just FEEL like I should have learnt more but mostly I’ve just been doing a lot of reading… and every new thing that I read just re-affirms what I knew already. Don’t get me wrong I have added bits and pieces to my knowledge. I know a lot more now about enabling pedagogies that I ever did before. But the majority of things I have been looking at I could have guessed if anyone had asked, or I already knew. Still I have memorised quite a few more authors, and specific publications etc. That will come in handy I’m sure!

So my advice to anyone thinking about doing a PhD is this: Don’t get hung up on the details. Know what it is that you really care about – what problem do you want to fix? And then don’t worry too much about any of the other details. As long as your project is going to help with that problem that you are passionate about – jump in and just do it!